(no subject)

[guingel]

I don't think I'm going to go onto AIM today (well, maybe in the evening). I have too much trouble tearing myself away from it, and I'd really like to get some work done on Beowulf. Curse you all for being so interesting!! Yesterday I was online for far too long. ::frowns sternly:: (;

But I have a project to work on! I'm making a Fushigi Yuugi background for Emily's journal (d3c3p7i0n). It's time-consuming, but I'm having a really good time with it :D And it gives me something to do. ::shrugs:: It's just the sort of nit-picky, detail-y thing that I like. (Although I think Emily thinks I'm crazy for doing it :D but she already knows I'm crazy, right, Em?)

Oh, speaking of which. (I'm not exactly sure what "which" is, but there's definitely a link here) tiggspanther: do you still want me to draw your character? Cos I'd love to do it, and I'm sure I can find a more congenial oekaki. Also. . . digimon movies? you need my address? (I mean, I'd give it to you in AIM, not here, but still)

As I mentioned before, I was online for most of the day yesterday, so there's not a whole lot for me to write up. As soon as Emily got back from camp I went over there and we futzed with LJ. we managed to change her comment tags but ran into serious problems when it came to icons: she doesn't have a program that's good for shrinking them. So we mailed them to me, and after supper (mmm. . . chinese food) we went over here to futz.



I'm still not entirely comfortable with David. I've been making excuses not to see him and stuff. Which actually makes me feel slightly relieved,lic it means I wasn't making up all that stuff. And you know, I don't know what the fuck he's trying to do when he says, "Well, neither me nor Laura is particularly nice". O_O aoow!! That really hurts! That is the problem!! This from a boy who said he'd "fixed everything about our relationship and there's nothing else he can do". O.o Unless he can "fix" his personality :-/
I've never been nice. Ugh. And I mean, I'd really, really, really like to think that I'm getting much better, but David always makes me think that I'm not! and that makes me feel crappy! This is how he damages my self esteem--cos he doesn't think I'm a nice person. AUGH!!

Although I know that part of me doesn't want to give up the fact that I stick by my beliefs and have strong opinions. But I'm also. . . I dunno. I can be cranky. And I've really tried to stop, but I dislike so very many people at our school. Which is, I suppose, another failing. :-/ And it can be a problem when people ask my why I don't like someone, and I really can't give a reason. I just don't. Then they act like I'm wrong not to like them. I don't know. I can never give a reason. Then I just feel like a crappy person. And when we were talking about this with David there, he said that I should have a reason. ::sigh::

So he makes me feel bad about myself. And I really don't need any help.

I don't think I'll ever be nice. At school, certainly not. People still think of me as a psychopath. I feel like I've changed, but it doesn't seem to show, and I can't tell. ugh. geez.

whoa. dad just showed up with a cell phone for me. I don't even want a cell phone. They have some type of reason for giving us one, I just can't remember it. I suppose for calling them when we're out or whatever. :-/ what a pain.


and. . . Spooner is repeating comics, right?

Comments

[guingel.livejournal.com]

wow! thank you very much! :D ::adds back::

::smells rose and plays with monkey::
monkey monkey monkey!