babbling-Meghan-Neil Gaiman purchases-Life and Before and After

[guingel]

hmm. I was in the mood for writing an entry and then I got distracted and the sun in my eyes and yeah. I can't remember what I wanted to write about. I'll just start somewhere.

I've submitted my LJ to ljreview (thanks to ffenics--I don't trust myself enough to do a good job reviewing, but I wanna see what a reviewer has to say). So I'll see what happens--it'll take a couple weeks, prolly (depending on who I get and what-not).

lol. Katie just said, "Let's see if he notices," to me. After a second, I realized what she was talking about and we both put our arms into bear-hugging post simultaneously. It's a twin thing ;) We tend to say the same thing at the same time a lot. But, contrary to popular belief, we don't have a psychic link. If I feel bad when Katie's upset, it's because I've seen she's upset and I'm sad because I love her. (as you may have noticed)
Speaking of which, she's just gotten a postcard from David (which makes her happy, and thus. . .). He's in Europe til the end of July. I think he's in France now, he was in London at the beginning of the week, and he's going to go to Rome.

We went to the mall with friend Meghan (marishi) today. It was good that I got to see her because (::sniffles::) she's moving to Pennsylvania next week! Ack! Meghan! She sat with us at lunch in eighth grade and sang Billy Joel songs with us--she played the harmonica on her sandwich to Piano Man! She laughs at anything! I got introduced to oreos and peanut butter at her house! ::sigh:: I'll miss Meghan. Luckily she's still going to be online.

Moving on, it was a good trip for all involved. Katie got a stuffed Arthur doll and an Arthur book ^_^ Meghan got an X-Men Evolutions comic she wanted.
And I got Neil Gaiman's Murder Mysteries, illustrated by P. Craig Russel, and Neil Gaiman's Midnight Days. The latter is a collection of comics he wrote for DC, including a Swamp Thing story (I hear a lot about Swamp Thing but I've never read anything with him in it) and "Hold Me", illustrated by Dave McKean, which GNeil says is "probably my favorite of all my short stories". Whoa. So I did very well. Murder Mysteries is a hardcover, which is lovely. Midnight Days has a crease in the cover, but I don't care. :D I'm really happy about my purchases. I mean, I hadn't even heard of either of these! It was awesome. We went to both bookstores at the mall, and at B. Dalton they had this whole little mini-Neil Gaiman section (I almost creamed my pants when I saw it! whoa. I was practically in schock!!) and it was awesome being able to look at everything there and say "I have that, I have that, I have that. . ." (except, of course, for Murder Mysteries, which I now have.) So I now have 5 new GNeil writings to read! That's awesome. Whoa. I definitely need to get started! But I also still need to do my summer reading. Ah well.

Katie got a lot of Dar Williams songs (another reason why I love her!) including "As Cool As I Am"--finally! I've wanted that for a long time and haven't been able to get it. It's a fantastic song. I keep listening to it over and over. (and the other new Dar Williams songs we have)

Life is good.



Speaking of life. I used to think that the purpose of life was to be happy and to make other people happy. Well, I've been thinking about that. I think that's the purpose of my life. I'm thinking that maybe the purpose of life in general is to be human. We can try to be the best humans we are, but I think maybe the reason we're put here (this only works if you think we were, in fact, put here by something/one and for some reason) is just to be humans. Humans are interesting. This kinda ties into my theory that this is sorta an intermediate place, and we can work as hard as we can to make it a better place, but on some level it's meant to be like it is. Like. . . this is just a weak, rough theory. I don't believe in it, really, I just think it's possible. I like thinking of theories. But anyway, you know how contrast always makes things better? That sounds weird. Lemme think. A lot of the time, an answer to the question of why bad things happen is that it makes the good things seem much better, it defines the good things. The unhappiness actually adds to the happiness (to an extent. :-/ it's too bad when things go too far and you get bitter or hopeless and permanently unhappy. Bad!!). Anyway, my rough theory is that when you're in heaven and you start to get. . . complacent? Like, you stop enjoying it as much because it's all you can remember; then you go down for a little stint on earth.
Then I'm not sure how hell ties in. Cos I do believe in hell. But I don't believe in a permanent hell, because it really doesn't seem right. I don't know. I don't like the idea.
I know that a lot of my beliefs are greatly influenced by my life. I've had a fantastic life, so I tend to have an optimistic faith. It feels right to me that hell not be forever. Forever is a very long time. There's a lot of people who deserve to be there for a very long time, but hopefully everyone will "repent". I don't know. I don't think there's a certain amount of time that you get sentenced to hell for certain crimes, I think it's more until you learn your lesson.

Hmm. I don't think I can incorporate hell into above theory because I'd need to understand human nature, and I don't know--I think that might be impossible, and I know I can't do it. I don't know if we become angels in heaven that are perfect, and maybe going to earth and becoming human brings out our, well, human side. Or possibly, assuming my theory is correct on some level (just for the sake of further theorizing) there might be several different types of humans on earth. Some are down from heaven, some are. . . I don't know. Maybe they're just starting out. And they can go back to heaven where they came from, or they can do a good job as humans and go to heaven (for the first time), or they can do a bad job as humans and go to hell until they try it again.
see? I told you I'd need to understand human nature. this is getting kinda strange.

I think I'm done for the day. I don't need to go through all the possibilities :D

I don't really believe this. My religion is pretty flexible. I guess on some level I'm agnostic or something, because there's some stuff that I really believe and then there's all the details that could go any which way. And I have a fair number of rough theories on them. My basic faith is that there is some sort of god, because it's too lonely without one, and it feels right. And I think that god is good, or at least not evil (this is where my life comes in) because it's too scary otherwise and because it feels right. And I think that I should try to be a good person, because it feels right. So my religion is a mixture, as you may have noticed ;) of what feels right and what will help me be happier.

I haven't done that in a while. That was really fun. wow. cool.

Comments

[guingel.livejournal.com]

yeah, I'm confused, but I delight in my confusion. Like, I like being uncertain about things because it makes me more open and flexible. I can't doubt myself because there's just a couple things that I really think are true, and they're so simple. I've admitted to the possibility of the alternative being true and chosen what I did because I like it better. Maybe there isn't a god, but I think there is. Maybe god isn't on our side, but I think god is. (crap! ominous rustlings in bush in my backyard. I hope its not a person and I hope it's not some evil escaped jungle beast.) (it's probably a cat or something, although it seemed very loud)

And the rest of it changes as I change. Just like I think it's kinda silly for 1 religion to be right for a lot of people, 1 religion isn't right for all the "different people" I become as I grow up. It's really nice that I can be flexible. Because I (all of us, I think) really have no way of knowing if what we believe is true. I don't want to. . . I don't know. I don't want to lie to myself or string myself along. It's weird. I don't think I can explain.

[cloudtrader.livejournal.com]

You may not be able to explain it, but I think I understand anyway. I feel the same. I don't WANT to "settle down" in one defination of faith, and I don't think I really want to know the "real" truth (if we can define such a hazy concept as "truth" in the first place) about faith/god/religion/the cosmos. Maybe that's because I've never faced a complete existential crisis, like some people have, I dunno. But, the sheer ambiguity of our world delights me (for the most part). I mean, if we knew for sure for sure, then where would Hope be?

[guingel.livejournal.com]

exactly! if it's bad, I don't want to know. . . I'd rather amble along in blissful ignorance. I don't need to know. I'm perfectly fine as it is. It's be scary knowing for sure exactly what happens when I die. And I need the ambiguity to help me be a good person. If i knew that I was going to heaven no matter what, I don't think I'd become evil, but I might not work as hard at being good. (I don't think we all go to heaven no matter what, but you know)

[cloudtrader.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's it, my feelings on the matter are similar. I don't actually think I believe in the concept of heaven... but, you know, I could be wrong. I DON'T KNOW, and that makes it all interesting.

[guingel.livejournal.com]

::nodnod:: life is strange and mysterious and interesting and exciting. And I'd like to keep it that way.

where was it that I was reading. . . oh, it was probably Small Gods. A god was saying how humans are always searching for miracles in strange places, when they're all around us every day. Like, how we can be amazed by someone turning water into wine (water is better for you!) but the fact that plants turn sunlight into energy we take for granted. (that's not exactly related, but the conversation made me think of it. I try to find miracles in every day life. like how our bodies are so very, very complicated and crazy and amazing, but through some "miracle" we function and live and, while our bodies malfunction sometimes, it's still amazing that we manage at all.)

[cloudtrader.livejournal.com]

Yep yep! Truly.