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Mom is making me a skirt. Actually, she's going to make me two skirts! They got two materials. Both brown, but different. Both extremely gorgeous! (they=katie and mom, who went to the fabric store. the one mom is working on now is the cloth she chose, lighter and ruddier with a pattern of small flowers and lines. The other is darker and a richer, heavier material. I'd imagine the other one is cotton.) I love both materials so much! I'm very excited :D I think I'm going to need to get some more shirts that I can wear with them. Luckily, I love brown and am likely to wear a brown shirt with jeans and everything, so it's not like I'd be getting something that I'd only wear with the skirts.
I'm actually getting the skirts to wear with the boots that I got on vacation, which are very cool and would be hidden under jeans. I almost never. . . I mean really almost never. . . wore skirts before. I had one skirt that I wore to school like, twice, but it was too small for me. And I wore a skirt to the national honors society initation and people almost didn't recognize me! XD
I haven't been really feminine since at least freshman year. And I haven't really wanted to be. I mainly wear jeans or sweatpants with t-shirts from a comic book or something, over a long-sleeved shirt in winter. I mean, I still have some fitted t-shirts, ribbed and stuff, and some nice sweaters that I wear every once in a while, but. . . I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with not having a crush, and just that's what I wanted to wear. I kind of like not being feminine. It's a little complicated. . . most of it is just that that's what I wanted to wear and all, but some of it was that I like to "bust stereotypes", I think. Hmmm. It also, thinking about it, had a lot to do with wanting to be different. I wanted to be myself, but I also wanted to be unique. But not in an aggressive way. Like, I didn't want to be like anyone else, but I didn't want to do it in a way that would, like, rub people's noses in it all the time. I was dressing so that I wouldn't be like anyone else (and I still will, come to think of it--there are many more t-shirts I want to buy, as well as shirts to wear with my skirts, which aren't typical either), but I was doing it for myself, not to show others that I was different. Like, I feel that often, if you're doing something too aggresively, there's a good chance that you're doing it for others. Like, to show other people. Like, really showy and aggressive goths. I mean, making a statement can be good, but you can make a more honest statement by being yourself. I think. lol. This is all off the top of my head, I'm just kind of babbling. Maybe this only applies to high school. Whatever. lol. Maybe I'm just trying to justify my behavior to myself. But I don't think so. I mean, I really did just wear what I wanted to and what I liked and what I was comfortable in--both physically and, like, mentally. (the more uncertain I am, the more I use "like". In this entry, for the most part, just take it to mean there's a little wiggle room in the phrase I'm using. A margin of error, kind of.)
Oh yeah. the point when i started this ramble was to try to figure out how I felt about starting to dress differently. I mean, I think that I'm even more comfortable and happy with who I am now, which. . . I don't know. . . gives me a little more freedom. Or something. I mean. . . looks are so unimportant to me. Even on a sexual level. I'm always more interested in a situation than in appearance, and even when appearance comes in, it's to add to the situation. it's strange and complicated and if I went into detail it would definitely be too much information, and quite possibly more than even I am willing to share about myself, and that should say something. Anyway, I guess what I need to do is reconcile various thoughts and theories and actions in my mind and work them out.
XD Just got totally distracted for several minutes. Ended up at my cousin's fanclub page. Yes, my cousin has a fanclub. From his high school basketball days. I am a member. XD It's very funny. Anyway. Where was I? I guess I'm done with that for now.
In other news, I miss my friends. Emily is in Vermont for the week and Perin is in Pennsylvania. And next Wednesday we start school! :( I do feel quite different about starting school this year, since it's my last. And, since all my classes except gym (dance) are APs, and I have no regents (NYS tests) I'm pretty much done in May, a month early. But, despite all this, I still miss my friends! I'm going to be going to bethpage for three days of the next four though, so that'll keep me busy, and I need to finish up summer work.
Katie likes this icon a lot.
I'm actually getting the skirts to wear with the boots that I got on vacation, which are very cool and would be hidden under jeans. I almost never. . . I mean really almost never. . . wore skirts before. I had one skirt that I wore to school like, twice, but it was too small for me. And I wore a skirt to the national honors society initation and people almost didn't recognize me! XD
I haven't been really feminine since at least freshman year. And I haven't really wanted to be. I mainly wear jeans or sweatpants with t-shirts from a comic book or something, over a long-sleeved shirt in winter. I mean, I still have some fitted t-shirts, ribbed and stuff, and some nice sweaters that I wear every once in a while, but. . . I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with not having a crush, and just that's what I wanted to wear. I kind of like not being feminine. It's a little complicated. . . most of it is just that that's what I wanted to wear and all, but some of it was that I like to "bust stereotypes", I think. Hmmm. It also, thinking about it, had a lot to do with wanting to be different. I wanted to be myself, but I also wanted to be unique. But not in an aggressive way. Like, I didn't want to be like anyone else, but I didn't want to do it in a way that would, like, rub people's noses in it all the time. I was dressing so that I wouldn't be like anyone else (and I still will, come to think of it--there are many more t-shirts I want to buy, as well as shirts to wear with my skirts, which aren't typical either), but I was doing it for myself, not to show others that I was different. Like, I feel that often, if you're doing something too aggresively, there's a good chance that you're doing it for others. Like, to show other people. Like, really showy and aggressive goths. I mean, making a statement can be good, but you can make a more honest statement by being yourself. I think. lol. This is all off the top of my head, I'm just kind of babbling. Maybe this only applies to high school. Whatever. lol. Maybe I'm just trying to justify my behavior to myself. But I don't think so. I mean, I really did just wear what I wanted to and what I liked and what I was comfortable in--both physically and, like, mentally. (the more uncertain I am, the more I use "like". In this entry, for the most part, just take it to mean there's a little wiggle room in the phrase I'm using. A margin of error, kind of.)
Oh yeah. the point when i started this ramble was to try to figure out how I felt about starting to dress differently. I mean, I think that I'm even more comfortable and happy with who I am now, which. . . I don't know. . . gives me a little more freedom. Or something. I mean. . . looks are so unimportant to me. Even on a sexual level. I'm always more interested in a situation than in appearance, and even when appearance comes in, it's to add to the situation. it's strange and complicated and if I went into detail it would definitely be too much information, and quite possibly more than even I am willing to share about myself, and that should say something. Anyway, I guess what I need to do is reconcile various thoughts and theories and actions in my mind and work them out.
XD Just got totally distracted for several minutes. Ended up at my cousin's fanclub page. Yes, my cousin has a fanclub. From his high school basketball days. I am a member. XD It's very funny. Anyway. Where was I? I guess I'm done with that for now.
In other news, I miss my friends. Emily is in Vermont for the week and Perin is in Pennsylvania. And next Wednesday we start school! :( I do feel quite different about starting school this year, since it's my last. And, since all my classes except gym (dance) are APs, and I have no regents (NYS tests) I'm pretty much done in May, a month early. But, despite all this, I still miss my friends! I'm going to be going to bethpage for three days of the next four though, so that'll keep me busy, and I need to finish up summer work.
Katie likes this icon a lot.
