some thoughts, but then some good stuff behind the cut tag :D

I'm feeling kind of down. Which is rather a shame, because most of the day has been absolutely wonderful. But we were just chilling at Emily's for a bit and we were talking about stuff that kinda made me think. lol. That sounds bad. But it was me, Katie, David, and Emily. The three of them are all in relationships. Emily has just gotten together with her boyfriend, Frank, and they had some incidents with dirty shirts (and then Em's was in the washing machine so she borrowed one of his) and I was kind of joking about shirtlessness. Then Emily told me that they were. (btw, Em, if i'm giving too much information tell me and I'll edit it.) So I was kind of taken aback. It was like. . . I was kind of confused--at first, I thought that they were just shirtless because of the whole thing with the shirt in washing machine and stuff. (better explanation at: d3c3p7i0n as to what happened) So I was saying, whoa Em, don't like. . . go too far. And I was kind of putting my foot in my mouth because (the whole situation was rather confused, in my mind at least) I was telling her not to do something that she'd already done. ::blushes:: And then Katie got angry at me (when she could have just said that she disagreed--that was kinda messsed up) and said that she doesn't think there's anything wrong with couples that have been together for a while (even if they're 17 and 18 years old) that the girl shows the guys her breasts. ugh. it was all rather annoying cos I'm finding out as we talk that my friends have gone farther than I thought. ouch.

So. . . I don't know. I mean, I was the only person not in a relationship. Maybe if I was in one I'd feel differently. But it just seems to me that if I'd want both a physical and an emotional relationship. They appear to have been getting better recently, but evidently there's some shit that I don't know about, but it just seems to me that like, their relationship is extremely physical and very little else. It seems kinda that way with Emily and Frank, although they don't see each other all that often and stuff. So I'm not sure if I'm just being so prudish because I've never been in a relationship or what. Like, I know that everyone proceeds at their own pace--but there doesn't seem to be a lot of reason to show your boyfriend your breasts--hopefully that's not what he's interesting in, and I feel that it may lead to other things, or make him think of you differently. ::sigh:: I can't tell if I'm just being stupid and prudish. And I feel kinda. . . like. . . off, posting it here, since most of the people are older than me--I'm just going to look even worse. ehhh.

I also. . . I wasn't jealous of them for being in a relationship, but I felt sort of out of place.

And this has also made me wonder if I'm a hypocrite--like, cos I joke around a lot about sex and all that--like in Hot Threadz--but in real life I'm much less permissive and all.

::sigh:: I'm just feeling kinda down. And David likes to say stuff that will depress me. One of the things that annoys me a lot about him. I hate it.

( sorry 'bout that. here's the good stuff :) )