![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Oh dear god. I actually had a really good, really productive weekend, and I was all "Yay! I'm on top of things! I got to hang out with Katie and get work done! I feel good and prepared for the week, I got started on reading, things are going to be OK." Hahahaha. It's sort of particularly sad, because I ended the weekend so pumped and optimistic.
But in fact, oh god, it's been such a suck week. Monday in particular was just a really bad day. Mostly because I've been freaking out about my project for my computer science class, which is to design a website. The primary reason for this is that we learned about how to lay things out and position them using CSS in class on Monday, and it just. . . was an incredibly unhelpful lesson. So that had me utterly freaked out, as did my complete inability to do the (really difficult!!) lab. And in general it just didn't feel like we were going to learn enough to be able to do the websites before they're due. And I felt really out of control and everything. Which is, in fact, what I tend to have nightmares about most often. So. . . there may have been tears. Of stress and frustration, though. And exhaustion.
Luckily, my bffl![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shadowflute (you may have heard me refer to her as Steph. . . or Monkey!Steph or just Monkey, maybe) is a computer science genius, and is, in fact, the "roving" computer science TA, meaning she can help whoever, whenever (I think? Mostly just whoever.) and she had TA hours that day. So I went and she was incredibly helpful even though she was super-sickly, and really patient with me. And some of the ways he told us to do things on the lab were just not the easiest (and therefore best) ways to do things, so part of the reason I felt better was that she was confused by them too, and it wasn't just me being a complete incompetent. So I practiced layout with her for a while and then was able to make a little basic model for how I want my page to look, that I'd be able to modify and edit with my actual content and settings. (My partner, while nice, is pretty clueless. So I'm afraid I went ahead without her, but I think we'll be OK. She's going to extra help on Friday, too, so hopefully she'll get caught up.)
Then I went home and made graphics and messed around a little. I made a mock-up in photoshop of how it's supposed to look, which I will link to perhaps against my better judgement. Making them actually turned into a huge stressful thing, probably mostly because I was already so slagged from the whole layout thing. So basically, the whole experience left me so emotionally exhausted that I haven't bounced back.
I'm still carrying around a layer of stress and tiredness, and I can't stop worrying about the site, or my partner, or the fact that now I haven't been able to work on my other assignments, or look for a job, and people have started asking everyone "So, do you have something set up for after graduation?" and I haven't heard back anything from the places I applied to and when I tried to call one of them, I fucked up the message I left on the answering machine. And it's just, like, now I don't have the energy to do anything extra and I have a lot of extra stuff that I need to be doing. In addition to this stupid website, which is hopefully somewhat under control by now but there's a lot of times when I try to code something and it just doesn't turn out the way it's supposed to, so I still feel like a lot of problems could arise, and I won't be meeting with my partner til Friday so it'll be hovering. But in addition to that, what do I have to do? Paper due on Monday, lots of reading to do for tomorrow, fix resume and upload to e-access. Write cover letter. Try to find more jobs to apply to. (OHGODWHAT. I hate that I have to be so vague there. The advice that the CDO gives doesn't really apply to me, which is a pain in my butt.) Figure out how to turn in paper for Religion Department contest.
I have a couple more papers coming up in the future, too. But actually, except for the job search (I now have a goal of being employed by September, because I now have a roommate, which is awesome, and she'll want to be moving to NYC in Sept, and I can't move out of my house until I have a job) it's all really manageable stuff. I just have this layer of stress anyway. And I'm still so exhausted that I can't really bring myself to do extra things? It's bad. I need to shake it off. It's not that I'm in a bad mood or unhappy all the time, it's just that I don't have the energy to actually be happy and feel good. I think part of it is that my usual response to stress is to do as much as I can to deal with it, but with the website there's sort of, i have to wait and stuff. And the job, i feel powerless - even if i had the energy to search, I feel like I don't have great places to look where I'm likely to find stuff.
Other note. Yesterday was my last day at the Sophian. Woooo!! Not only are my Mon and Tues nights returned to me now, but I also had a good time. The new layout staff are really confused, but they're trying hard and they'd gotten a lot done. I probably should have been opening that stuff up and looking at it, come to think of it, but we were trying to let them do their thing so instead I was assigned to fill in the police blotter. Usually, we go to Public Safety and they give us a list of calls made that week. Sometimes, they're AWESOME. Once, they got a call that a house right near Smith was on fire, and they went and it turned out that actually, a guy had his own sugar shack in there. AMAZING. Anyway, this week they couldn't give it to us because someone was out who would normally do that or something. So I got to assemble a "Best Hits of the Police Blotter!" (Except I just realized I totally forgot to label it that. I gave the year with each date, so it might become clear, but. . . oops.) This involved me going through the old issues that we have in the office - they bind the issues from each year into a big book) and pulling out the most awesome calls. Two of them involved this guy who was running around saying weird stuff and knowing things about strangers who called himself "St. Francis". The rest were about squirrels and other animals. Cos I wanted a theme. XD
Weekend really was fab. Katie bussed over on Sunday morning, we got me new shoes which have their problems, in that they're attacking my ankles, but are otherwise good. And we got lunch as this cute little "rustic" (that's an. . . inside joke among my family, sorry) Polish deli that kind of reminded us of our grandparents' apartment, possibly because the tablecloths had plastic over them, and while my grandparents didn't use a tablecloth, all the couches had plastic coverings. XD Very sticky in the summer when you sweat.
Anyway, the concert was INCREDIBLE. When I had energy, I wrote it as such, "SESAME STREET CONCERT WAS AWESOME. BOB OWNS. MUPPETS OWN." because I started an entry while Katie was on the phone but she didn't talk that long. It really was SO CUTE though. The Smith orchestra and glee club performed, and there were also lots of little kid groups - two choruses and a ballet company. XD And they were SO ADORABLE it almost killed me. AND Bob from Sesame Street was there!! :D He's so incredibly great. Oh my god. I thought he'd just sing a couple numbers and leave, but he was in almost every song and he even narrated the performance of Peter and the Wolf that the dance company did. He was so sweet! It was like watching Sesame Street again. There was a lull while they got the slideshow of Kermit the Frog working to play during Rainbow Connection, and Bob had us all sing the alphabet song together. ^_^ It was adorable. There was also lots of things where we got to clap or sing along or do hand motions and stuff. Lots of fun.
Then Katie and I relaxed and got pizza (the guy at the pizzeria asked after our Dad even though he's only here when he drops me off. XD My dad is friendly.) and did some high quality JE viewing, including an episode of Kuitan! Which we hadn't gotten to watch while I was visiting her. So yay! And we generally chilled and had fun and walked around the campus from 8-9 when we were supposed to have the lights off. XD And she brought me beer bread, which really does taste like beer.
Today, I'm going to try and take my rabbinic reading outside for a little while before dinner, and I'm just going to do that and the reading for my American studies class and not aim higher. The only other things i want to do is see if I can code an image swap on mouseover for my site, and make some cosmetic changes to my resume and try to upload it. I'm going to tell myself that if I have free time, which I should, that I should spend it relaxing and not try to start essays or anything. Just watch my Hellboy animated DVD or D no Arashi or something.
Also, because I asked her to do this for me a while ago, I'm going to follow through. XD Sorry about all the memes lately, it's really weird and uncharacteristic of me. Oh well. If they're fun, they're fun.
Meme fromilanabean42
Icon Meme
~ Reply to this post, and I will pick five of your icons.
~ Make a post (including the meme info) and talk about the icons I chose.
~ Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
~ This will create a never-ending cycle of icon squee.
TINY JESUS WITH A MISSION. XD I was actually just explaining this toayamachi in a comment so I'm just going to cut and paste that:
Tiny Jesus With a Mission is from the Merode Altarpiece, arguably the most hilarious of medieval artist Robert Campin's works. XD It's hilarious because it's of the Annunciation so Mary's sitting there, waiting to be impregnated, and the Angel Gabriel is there, and. . . teeny, tiny Jesus is there rocketing towards her crotch. I got to see it at the Cloisters, the Met's medieval art branch and possibly my favorite museum ever, and Katie and I are all cracking up and taking pictures with it, and all the medieval art fans are totally, totally confused. Here I am pointing at Jesus himself, and here is a close-up we took. XD He is so fierce, that tiny Jesus. God damn, he is going to get to Mary's womb.
This is Richard Manuel. Of the Band. Someone of you may have heard me speak of them before. XD Richard Manuel has one of my favorite voices in recorded music, and is also the pianist. And sometimes the drummer! My intro to the Band/crazy ramblings can be read here if any new people are curious. XD I looooove them. It's so hard to find a good example of the power and beauty of Richard's voice on youtube. My best suggestion is to go to this Last Waltz clip and skip to about a minute and a half in when Robbie shuts his mouth and the performance begins. There's also this amazing clip of them just hanging out at Woodstock (where they lived, not the festival) and making music. Richard's vocals start with "I work for the union". King Harvest is actually one of my favorite songs of theirs, I think. (Rick Danko sings the second song, and he's adorable but it's not one of my all-time faves.)
I just love the emotion and rawness that's always behind his voice? And there's also a richness of sound, as well, I think. I really enjoy listening to it, it's aesthetically pleasing for me, and it also effects me emotionally. And it allows me to really get into the songs. This icon sort of seems to show that? It was just a beautiful picture of him. And it's good to have some more serious icons. I rarely use it, but I love it.
I loooove this icon. XD I worked really hard on it, too, because it was from a screencap of somewhat low quality and the colors were really dull and it was ugly. And I spent a long time making it look closer to normal. And it's just so cute. Only Aiba would read a book to a lion cub. ^_^ I like to use it when talk of books comes up, although I guess I have the Wishbone one for that too, now! And it's good for silliness.
The image is from Tensai Shimura Dobutsen or whatever the show is called, but I don't really know what episode, although I have seen the clip. But it was in a fanvid, I think the "Aiba english" one.
I love this icon, too! Also from a screencap that I worked long and hard to give nice colors to. It's from an ep of Shukudai-kun, but again, I don't know when. I just love when Sho makes that face. XD And also, it's one I find myself using a lot. A very useful expression. Especially since I don't have many "distressed" icons.
Hahaha, what can I say? I thought this was a good image to capture Leader's Leadery-ness. Although I wish I'd made it the full square and extended the blank space on the left. But there were people there that I cut out and I already had to use the clone-stamp tool to get rid of them, I guess I didn't feel like it'd be a great idea to just copy and reproduce what I had to make it wider. Lemme see if I can find the original. . . There ya go. It's cute.
Another monster entry. XD Sorry about that. I'm going to call Katie back and see why she left me a message saying that she's full of TOKIO excitement and it's too bad I'm not around to squeal with her.
But in fact, oh god, it's been such a suck week. Monday in particular was just a really bad day. Mostly because I've been freaking out about my project for my computer science class, which is to design a website. The primary reason for this is that we learned about how to lay things out and position them using CSS in class on Monday, and it just. . . was an incredibly unhelpful lesson. So that had me utterly freaked out, as did my complete inability to do the (really difficult!!) lab. And in general it just didn't feel like we were going to learn enough to be able to do the websites before they're due. And I felt really out of control and everything. Which is, in fact, what I tend to have nightmares about most often. So. . . there may have been tears. Of stress and frustration, though. And exhaustion.
Luckily, my bffl
shadowflute (you may have heard me refer to her as Steph. . . or Monkey!Steph or just Monkey, maybe) is a computer science genius, and is, in fact, the "roving" computer science TA, meaning she can help whoever, whenever (I think? Mostly just whoever.) and she had TA hours that day. So I went and she was incredibly helpful even though she was super-sickly, and really patient with me. And some of the ways he told us to do things on the lab were just not the easiest (and therefore best) ways to do things, so part of the reason I felt better was that she was confused by them too, and it wasn't just me being a complete incompetent. So I practiced layout with her for a while and then was able to make a little basic model for how I want my page to look, that I'd be able to modify and edit with my actual content and settings. (My partner, while nice, is pretty clueless. So I'm afraid I went ahead without her, but I think we'll be OK. She's going to extra help on Friday, too, so hopefully she'll get caught up.)Then I went home and made graphics and messed around a little. I made a mock-up in photoshop of how it's supposed to look, which I will link to perhaps against my better judgement. Making them actually turned into a huge stressful thing, probably mostly because I was already so slagged from the whole layout thing. So basically, the whole experience left me so emotionally exhausted that I haven't bounced back.
I'm still carrying around a layer of stress and tiredness, and I can't stop worrying about the site, or my partner, or the fact that now I haven't been able to work on my other assignments, or look for a job, and people have started asking everyone "So, do you have something set up for after graduation?" and I haven't heard back anything from the places I applied to and when I tried to call one of them, I fucked up the message I left on the answering machine. And it's just, like, now I don't have the energy to do anything extra and I have a lot of extra stuff that I need to be doing. In addition to this stupid website, which is hopefully somewhat under control by now but there's a lot of times when I try to code something and it just doesn't turn out the way it's supposed to, so I still feel like a lot of problems could arise, and I won't be meeting with my partner til Friday so it'll be hovering. But in addition to that, what do I have to do? Paper due on Monday, lots of reading to do for tomorrow, fix resume and upload to e-access. Write cover letter. Try to find more jobs to apply to. (OHGODWHAT. I hate that I have to be so vague there. The advice that the CDO gives doesn't really apply to me, which is a pain in my butt.) Figure out how to turn in paper for Religion Department contest.
I have a couple more papers coming up in the future, too. But actually, except for the job search (I now have a goal of being employed by September, because I now have a roommate, which is awesome, and she'll want to be moving to NYC in Sept, and I can't move out of my house until I have a job) it's all really manageable stuff. I just have this layer of stress anyway. And I'm still so exhausted that I can't really bring myself to do extra things? It's bad. I need to shake it off. It's not that I'm in a bad mood or unhappy all the time, it's just that I don't have the energy to actually be happy and feel good. I think part of it is that my usual response to stress is to do as much as I can to deal with it, but with the website there's sort of, i have to wait and stuff. And the job, i feel powerless - even if i had the energy to search, I feel like I don't have great places to look where I'm likely to find stuff.
Other note. Yesterday was my last day at the Sophian. Woooo!! Not only are my Mon and Tues nights returned to me now, but I also had a good time. The new layout staff are really confused, but they're trying hard and they'd gotten a lot done. I probably should have been opening that stuff up and looking at it, come to think of it, but we were trying to let them do their thing so instead I was assigned to fill in the police blotter. Usually, we go to Public Safety and they give us a list of calls made that week. Sometimes, they're AWESOME. Once, they got a call that a house right near Smith was on fire, and they went and it turned out that actually, a guy had his own sugar shack in there. AMAZING. Anyway, this week they couldn't give it to us because someone was out who would normally do that or something. So I got to assemble a "Best Hits of the Police Blotter!" (Except I just realized I totally forgot to label it that. I gave the year with each date, so it might become clear, but. . . oops.) This involved me going through the old issues that we have in the office - they bind the issues from each year into a big book) and pulling out the most awesome calls. Two of them involved this guy who was running around saying weird stuff and knowing things about strangers who called himself "St. Francis". The rest were about squirrels and other animals. Cos I wanted a theme. XD
Weekend really was fab. Katie bussed over on Sunday morning, we got me new shoes which have their problems, in that they're attacking my ankles, but are otherwise good. And we got lunch as this cute little "rustic" (that's an. . . inside joke among my family, sorry) Polish deli that kind of reminded us of our grandparents' apartment, possibly because the tablecloths had plastic over them, and while my grandparents didn't use a tablecloth, all the couches had plastic coverings. XD Very sticky in the summer when you sweat.
Anyway, the concert was INCREDIBLE. When I had energy, I wrote it as such, "SESAME STREET CONCERT WAS AWESOME. BOB OWNS. MUPPETS OWN." because I started an entry while Katie was on the phone but she didn't talk that long. It really was SO CUTE though. The Smith orchestra and glee club performed, and there were also lots of little kid groups - two choruses and a ballet company. XD And they were SO ADORABLE it almost killed me. AND Bob from Sesame Street was there!! :D He's so incredibly great. Oh my god. I thought he'd just sing a couple numbers and leave, but he was in almost every song and he even narrated the performance of Peter and the Wolf that the dance company did. He was so sweet! It was like watching Sesame Street again. There was a lull while they got the slideshow of Kermit the Frog working to play during Rainbow Connection, and Bob had us all sing the alphabet song together. ^_^ It was adorable. There was also lots of things where we got to clap or sing along or do hand motions and stuff. Lots of fun.
Then Katie and I relaxed and got pizza (the guy at the pizzeria asked after our Dad even though he's only here when he drops me off. XD My dad is friendly.) and did some high quality JE viewing, including an episode of Kuitan! Which we hadn't gotten to watch while I was visiting her. So yay! And we generally chilled and had fun and walked around the campus from 8-9 when we were supposed to have the lights off. XD And she brought me beer bread, which really does taste like beer.
Today, I'm going to try and take my rabbinic reading outside for a little while before dinner, and I'm just going to do that and the reading for my American studies class and not aim higher. The only other things i want to do is see if I can code an image swap on mouseover for my site, and make some cosmetic changes to my resume and try to upload it. I'm going to tell myself that if I have free time, which I should, that I should spend it relaxing and not try to start essays or anything. Just watch my Hellboy animated DVD or D no Arashi or something.
Also, because I asked her to do this for me a while ago, I'm going to follow through. XD Sorry about all the memes lately, it's really weird and uncharacteristic of me. Oh well. If they're fun, they're fun.
Meme from
ilanabean42Icon Meme
~ Reply to this post, and I will pick five of your icons.
~ Make a post (including the meme info) and talk about the icons I chose.
~ Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
~ This will create a never-ending cycle of icon squee.
TINY JESUS WITH A MISSION. XD I was actually just explaining this to
ayamachi in a comment so I'm just going to cut and paste that:Tiny Jesus With a Mission is from the Merode Altarpiece, arguably the most hilarious of medieval artist Robert Campin's works. XD It's hilarious because it's of the Annunciation so Mary's sitting there, waiting to be impregnated, and the Angel Gabriel is there, and. . . teeny, tiny Jesus is there rocketing towards her crotch. I got to see it at the Cloisters, the Met's medieval art branch and possibly my favorite museum ever, and Katie and I are all cracking up and taking pictures with it, and all the medieval art fans are totally, totally confused. Here I am pointing at Jesus himself, and here is a close-up we took. XD He is so fierce, that tiny Jesus. God damn, he is going to get to Mary's womb.
This is Richard Manuel. Of the Band. Someone of you may have heard me speak of them before. XD Richard Manuel has one of my favorite voices in recorded music, and is also the pianist. And sometimes the drummer! My intro to the Band/crazy ramblings can be read here if any new people are curious. XD I looooove them. It's so hard to find a good example of the power and beauty of Richard's voice on youtube. My best suggestion is to go to this Last Waltz clip and skip to about a minute and a half in when Robbie shuts his mouth and the performance begins. There's also this amazing clip of them just hanging out at Woodstock (where they lived, not the festival) and making music. Richard's vocals start with "I work for the union". King Harvest is actually one of my favorite songs of theirs, I think. (Rick Danko sings the second song, and he's adorable but it's not one of my all-time faves.)
I just love the emotion and rawness that's always behind his voice? And there's also a richness of sound, as well, I think. I really enjoy listening to it, it's aesthetically pleasing for me, and it also effects me emotionally. And it allows me to really get into the songs. This icon sort of seems to show that? It was just a beautiful picture of him. And it's good to have some more serious icons. I rarely use it, but I love it.
I loooove this icon. XD I worked really hard on it, too, because it was from a screencap of somewhat low quality and the colors were really dull and it was ugly. And I spent a long time making it look closer to normal. And it's just so cute. Only Aiba would read a book to a lion cub. ^_^ I like to use it when talk of books comes up, although I guess I have the Wishbone one for that too, now! And it's good for silliness.
The image is from Tensai Shimura Dobutsen or whatever the show is called, but I don't really know what episode, although I have seen the clip. But it was in a fanvid, I think the "Aiba english" one.
I love this icon, too! Also from a screencap that I worked long and hard to give nice colors to. It's from an ep of Shukudai-kun, but again, I don't know when. I just love when Sho makes that face. XD And also, it's one I find myself using a lot. A very useful expression. Especially since I don't have many "distressed" icons.
Hahaha, what can I say? I thought this was a good image to capture Leader's Leadery-ness. Although I wish I'd made it the full square and extended the blank space on the left. But there were people there that I cut out and I already had to use the clone-stamp tool to get rid of them, I guess I didn't feel like it'd be a great idea to just copy and reproduce what I had to make it wider. Lemme see if I can find the original. . . There ya go. It's cute.
Another monster entry. XD Sorry about that. I'm going to call Katie back and see why she left me a message saying that she's full of TOKIO excitement and it's too bad I'm not around to squeal with her.
