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Norman, then Laura gets introspective
Apr. 16th, 2002 05:12 pmtoo hot to write a long entry. lol. But I'm soooo proud of myself! I worked with Norman today (it was my tutoring day thing). And 3 or 4 years ago, both of Norman's parents were killed in a car accident. Norman was unscathed, his siblings were both hurt. And now he lives with his grandmother, I think. :-/ It's scary. Anyway, Norman doesn't open up really well, nor does he get down to work well. He has some problems, and who can blame him? One time, I think 2 weeks ago (unless that was vacation--the time before last that I tutored) Norman wouldn't get down to work, or even sit down. He was just futzing with things and buzzing around and stuff. And I went over a couple times, like "What should you be doing?" and "Don't you think you should be sitting down?" and stuff like that, and he completely ignored me, like I'd never spoken to him. So I was a little bit worried when Mrs. Roger put me with him (we had very few kids today, and all 4 of us came--me, sue, meg, and jenny, so we worked one on one with the kids) but I went over and stuff. I started out by suggesting that maybe he should change the ones that are written horizontally to vertically (I didn't say it like that) because I still have to do that. He took my advice, but part of me thinks that maybe he just did it to make me feel better--because he did all the work in his head!! There were times when I wanted to write things down, and he didn't need to! I was sooo impressed, and I told him so ^_^ (this was after he'd done a lot like that, not just the first problem, fyi) and then he kinda opened up to me. . . I think I heard the first thing he's ever said to me today! (I mean, it was the first time I'd heard his voice) And it was "I'm not so good at division." And I was saying that it was tricky, cos you gotta go backwards, and you can't see multiplication and division like you can see addition and subtraction, and then we were comparing addition to multiplication and subtraction to division, which is how I've always thought of them in my head (cos mult is easier than division and addition is easier than subtraction) so it was cool that he thought the same thing, and he got 18 done in the time we had, which is really good, especially since last time he didn't even get started until the last 5 minutes before we left!! I was so surprised when he just got right down to work, and he did really well. And it was cool. And I'm really bad with kids, but I think Mrs. Roger said she put me with him because he's quiet and I'm quiet--most of the time I'd just watch him work, and say something if he seemed to have a problem, and because I already knew his story (having told her before that he was giving me problems. . . well, not me, but that he wasn't working) (and then she explained).
Anyway. It was cool, and I felt good. I also felt relieved because he actually knows more than it looks like, although he could still use some help. which he doesn't get at home. it's sad.
oh, I forgot to mention--he should talk more, because he's got a cute little voice! and she was explaining square numbers to everyone, and he knew quite a lot--he was doing very well, but the other kids were loud and shouted out the answers so she didn't know (unless she'd called on him). So I told her afterwards that he knew more, because I was sitting next to him and heard. ^_^
So I'm impressed with myself and I'm impressed with Norman.
hmm. in english today she had us (as a "do now") tell us what some aspect of our personality reveals about us. I'm not sure what she meant by that, but I said that I was like, a nonconformist. And I went on to explain that while I really do love people, as a group, that I love the human race, I have a pretty low opinion of today's society, of pop culture (maybe a slam at some of the kids in my class. . . wonder if they picked up on it). And I said that I want to be myself and not be like them, but at the same time, I don't want to not do something that's a good idea just because a lot of people are doing it. (which I've noticed some nonconformists do, and that I've caught myself doing and now I try not to and just go with the flow) So I finished up by saying that I want to be myself, and I want to be happy, and I want to be a good person. (I tried to give a good picture of what I said, but I'm much less eloquent in person, especially in class, cos a lot of the time what I say sounds silly--or maybe rehearsed--so I'll add stuff like "like" all the time and stuff) Anyway, when I said that some people were like, "awww" and people actually started to clap!! Like, a lot of the class! O_O Not what I was expecting!! lol. I totally slid down in my seat as low as I could go (my chin was basically level with the desk) and covered my face with my hands. It was embarrassing, but maybe I'm writing this cos it was cool. . . a little gratifying? I don't know. I mean, it probably sounds like I don't mean it, because it's so. . . cliched? "Be yourself" and all that. And who these days actually says "I want to be a good person"? ("It hurts too much to be a good person in a bad world!") but I do mean it, and I'm not just saying that. I mean, I really meant everything I said.
and now I'm just being conceited. I've become hideously conceited lately. I keep having to give myself these huge mental smacks--I call myself stupid so often now, I'm hoping it'll settle in. Cos not only have I been getting conceited, I've been getting complacent. And it's hideous and it's scaring me. Like, I've tried really hard to be good, and I've kinda improved, but I'm not good yet at all or anything. i mean, inside my head I have a nicer outlook towards people--I think I may have finally managed to break myself of the habit of blaming others for their misfortune, and that took a while and I hated myself for it. . . but there's so much stuff I need to work on and whatever. . . it's no time for complacency! ;) I mean, in our lives we can never get complacent, or at least I can't, because I'll slip, but god. I'm such a stupid little person I keep complimenting myself that I'm so good, and I'm so not--it won't show at all. I mean, if you asked my friends, I bet they wouldn't notice a difference. I don't even want to say "I'm better, but I'm not good enough," because I'm definitely not good enough, but I don't even know if I'm better--I don't know how to measure these things. I can say that I'm happier, though, and that's a really good thing. And I think I have a more charitable outlook towards the world, like I was talking about yesterday. [like, there are other types of conceit which show more, but are probably more safter. . . I have those too, kinda, but those are more easily measured, and easier to control, and not so unhealthy, I think. just to clarify]
(btw, I write the subjects after I write the entries, so they're like, more a guide for me if I'm ever going through my calendar [the "show subjects thing] looking for a specific entry. . . just so you know to ignore them ;)
almost done with Graham Crackers. Too short! lol. Big print. It was good. There was some new stuff, and a lot of it was clarification of Liar's Autobiography, which was cool. I still like LA much much better! :D
very very little homework today. and I did the math in chem. which is good cos it's hot and I'm tired. but good.
Anyway. It was cool, and I felt good. I also felt relieved because he actually knows more than it looks like, although he could still use some help. which he doesn't get at home. it's sad.
oh, I forgot to mention--he should talk more, because he's got a cute little voice! and she was explaining square numbers to everyone, and he knew quite a lot--he was doing very well, but the other kids were loud and shouted out the answers so she didn't know (unless she'd called on him). So I told her afterwards that he knew more, because I was sitting next to him and heard. ^_^
So I'm impressed with myself and I'm impressed with Norman.
hmm. in english today she had us (as a "do now") tell us what some aspect of our personality reveals about us. I'm not sure what she meant by that, but I said that I was like, a nonconformist. And I went on to explain that while I really do love people, as a group, that I love the human race, I have a pretty low opinion of today's society, of pop culture (maybe a slam at some of the kids in my class. . . wonder if they picked up on it). And I said that I want to be myself and not be like them, but at the same time, I don't want to not do something that's a good idea just because a lot of people are doing it. (which I've noticed some nonconformists do, and that I've caught myself doing and now I try not to and just go with the flow) So I finished up by saying that I want to be myself, and I want to be happy, and I want to be a good person. (I tried to give a good picture of what I said, but I'm much less eloquent in person, especially in class, cos a lot of the time what I say sounds silly--or maybe rehearsed--so I'll add stuff like "like" all the time and stuff) Anyway, when I said that some people were like, "awww" and people actually started to clap!! Like, a lot of the class! O_O Not what I was expecting!! lol. I totally slid down in my seat as low as I could go (my chin was basically level with the desk) and covered my face with my hands. It was embarrassing, but maybe I'm writing this cos it was cool. . . a little gratifying? I don't know. I mean, it probably sounds like I don't mean it, because it's so. . . cliched? "Be yourself" and all that. And who these days actually says "I want to be a good person"? ("It hurts too much to be a good person in a bad world!") but I do mean it, and I'm not just saying that. I mean, I really meant everything I said.
and now I'm just being conceited. I've become hideously conceited lately. I keep having to give myself these huge mental smacks--I call myself stupid so often now, I'm hoping it'll settle in. Cos not only have I been getting conceited, I've been getting complacent. And it's hideous and it's scaring me. Like, I've tried really hard to be good, and I've kinda improved, but I'm not good yet at all or anything. i mean, inside my head I have a nicer outlook towards people--I think I may have finally managed to break myself of the habit of blaming others for their misfortune, and that took a while and I hated myself for it. . . but there's so much stuff I need to work on and whatever. . . it's no time for complacency! ;) I mean, in our lives we can never get complacent, or at least I can't, because I'll slip, but god. I'm such a stupid little person I keep complimenting myself that I'm so good, and I'm so not--it won't show at all. I mean, if you asked my friends, I bet they wouldn't notice a difference. I don't even want to say "I'm better, but I'm not good enough," because I'm definitely not good enough, but I don't even know if I'm better--I don't know how to measure these things. I can say that I'm happier, though, and that's a really good thing. And I think I have a more charitable outlook towards the world, like I was talking about yesterday. [like, there are other types of conceit which show more, but are probably more safter. . . I have those too, kinda, but those are more easily measured, and easier to control, and not so unhealthy, I think. just to clarify]
(btw, I write the subjects after I write the entries, so they're like, more a guide for me if I'm ever going through my calendar [the "show subjects thing] looking for a specific entry. . . just so you know to ignore them ;)
almost done with Graham Crackers. Too short! lol. Big print. It was good. There was some new stuff, and a lot of it was clarification of Liar's Autobiography, which was cool. I still like LA much much better! :D
very very little homework today. and I did the math in chem. which is good cos it's hot and I'm tired. but good.
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no subject
Date: 2002-04-16 02:27 pm (UTC)How hard for him, to lose so much of his family. Especially all at once like that. Wow. Just so sad to think about.
no subject
Date: 2002-04-16 02:56 pm (UTC)I don't know if we clicked. . . I don't click well with kids, and I don't think he does either. And also, we're both too quiet to really click. I do know that if next time (our last time!! waaaah!!) if we're pairing up and he asks for me, I would be totally overjoyed. . . but he's too shy and quiet to do that even if he wanted to.
I know. That is so terrible. I can't. . . I don't know. I think a lot, so my mind'll come around to death, and if my family, anyone, was killed. . . I wouldn't know what I'd do. That's one of the worst things that can happen to you. My heart bleeds for Norman. I hope. . . that he's ok. That he'll have a good life now. But I don't know.
I'll probably never know what happens to him, so I can always hope that things go well for him.
(oy, I just had a flashback. . . well. nevermind.)